MPhil II

"Maybe I want to prove that the world is a good place or die trying.

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Like the game where you fall backwards and you have to try not to second guess that your friend will catch you... usually I can't do it. Am I trying to teach myself faith by tossing myself into the void and assuming it'll be okay? Yeah, I like that...

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I'm trying to fall backwards to see if the world will catch me.

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But I still feel fear... I still worry that I won't find good people, that good things won't happen; how often do I have to do this before I accept that things always do work out? And what if I push it too far and something really bad happens? But other than being raped and beaten and jailed and killed I guess my idea of things "not working out" is different from most people's... Like, here I am, homeless and friendless, don't know the language, sleeping in the street, in the rain, tired... but I don't consider this to be such a big disaster, really. No big deal. Maybe the ecstasy really did have a permanent effect on me!"

-Jeffrey Lewis

GUFF #2