New life: go straight and turn left...

It's 8:18 and I am packing to move my stuff to my new house. The 'friendly' man and van will come at 14:00, at 18:00 I have to be at the Windmill.
After almost 1 year here I have a job, a house and a 'not empty' heart. My life seems its getting settled and for one reason or another is very scary. I do no like things which are too easy... and I definately don't like what is 'ordinary' or 'average'... I wonder if a routine will be like this...

But at the same time, I just can't give myself a chance to be happy! It happens for few days... then something else appears in the back of my mind to keep me wait until 3:00... Like this week: work and dissertation.... 36 hours awake to finish it and many red bulls later and I was so happy that I started to chat with a guy who were asking for donations on the street and even invited him for a coffee!! After 1 and a 1/2 day more I was already looking the ground walking to the bar and thinking how things could be different.

It's not even that the 'grass is greener on the other side of the road'... maybe its just the way I see myself.